Growing up, I didn't have many relationships. I was always “too nice” and, although I had an interest in sex, I never had the confidence to initiate anything. When I was seventeen, I found myself in a very intense relationship.
This relationship lasted for five years and, by the end, we had a mortgage and a house. However, three months after buying the house, she decided to cut ties and move on. I moved in with my parents, whilst she stayed in the house. At first, it was heart-breaking; I couldn't see a future without her. After a while, I began to heal, and realised that she wasn't right for me in the first place. I started to see that things weren’t all that great: there were big cracks, and I was with her for the wrong reasons. I had forgotten about me.
After a few months, it wasn’t her I missed, but the relationship part. Where you can chat to someone every day; hug someone; go out for dinner; watch tv together, etc. However, I wasn’t ready to look for a relationship: I was still trying to figure out who I was, and how to manage my anxiety. I didn’t want to go backwards, I wanted to go forwards. In April, everything changed.
A girl called Hannah messaged me on Twitter, asking how I was. Hannah is a mental health and lifestyle blogger, who I had come across in various chat hours, so I was aware of who she was. We started chatting about life and, before you knew it, we were chatting every day through Twitter, snapchat and text. We realised we have a lot in common. We both have anxiety; are bloggers; share similar values and goals; we’ve both had our hearts broken; both studied film. As the weeks went on, we decided to call each other on the phone, and we began to skype each other all the time. Then we decided to meet.
I live in South East Kent; Hannah lives in Hull. It’s about 5 hours on the train between the two, so we decided to be brave and meet in London for a few days. We felt a strong connection. Some people may find it strange, that you can get a connection like that through Skype, but it felt real. So, in June, we met. For a while, we thought it might have been awkward, but it was the complete opposite: the connection grew stronger. We felt like we had known each other for years. It was amazing. We had the best time and, I liked her so much, I knew I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
We still chat all the time, and are seeing each other again in a few weeks’ time. She is amazing, very kind, beautiful, and brave. It is weird being in a relationship again; however, during that period of being single, I found out who I am; what I want in life. This won’t be the same as the broken relationship before: I won’t let things slide. I will be a stronger person but, most importantly, I will not lose myself again.
When a relationship ends, it seems like the end of the world, however, it isn’t. It is the start of something new; a new chapter. Instead of searching for the “one”, I would start by finding yourself. Find out who you are as a person. The right person will come along, and will like you for you. I have learned not to give up hope.
EDITOR'S NOTE: In the age of tinder, bumble, social media, and other dating apps, it's increasingly common for people to meet strangers via the internet. It's also increasingly common for these interactions to make the jump from screen to IRL. Whilst, in this piece, we see that this has worked out well for Josh, we advise strong use of caution to those above 18 when meeting strangers. For those who are younger, avoid meeting strangers from the internet, unless accompanied by someone 21 or over. It's better to be safe than sorry, and we'd always advise caution.
Josh is a 23 year old mental health blogger who suffers from anxiety. After having a traumatic year he decided to use his experience and knowledge to help others through blogging, tweeting, vlogging and more. He loves films and tea but hates cheese! @UnitedAs1Voice.
Hello Me, it's You
Welcome to the brand new shiny Hello Me, it’s You blog! We are launching this blog with weekly content from different contributors, giving their opinions and experiences on all things Mental Health.